Wanaka Nordic Ski Club

Racing is still on this weekend for the interschools. Please be warned that only skiers between the ages of 5 and 70 are officially allowed to race in the open section, which is going to play havoc in some of our more popular categories.  The most sad and limpest excuse to turn up so far is from Nat Anglem who claims a subluxed aura when it was clear to most people that it is simple demonic possession . JMA  probably cant  compete because Jeremy his pet Goldfish has been  a bit wet behind the ears recently.

JP is back shopping in ChCh having won the award for the longest attendance of any anthropoid  on a ski field in the southern Hemisphere without actually being buried there.

We say goodbye to Pavel and Chandra this weekend, apparently they were subjected to some Southern Hospitality last weekend  and enjoyed some mud surfing on the 3 day circuit/ bog walk to and from  Half moon bay which took them over 6 hrs the sad sloths. We thank them for coming and  wish them the best for that sad and difficulty time between  when the NZ Ski season finishes and the US ski season starts.

The snow is more perfect than ever, the live animal sacrifice is certainly paying off quite nicely though some of the snowboarders clothing tends to smell for a while. (Much less when it is covered in burning petrol)  (And their language is not always the best) (Even when completely covered in burning petrol) (We might try avgas? )

On the political front we are still struggling to get FIS to recognise that all downhill skiers and snowboarders should be classed as adaptive or disabled on the grounds that they are apparently all incapable of getting up the simplest ski slope without a motorised lift.

Muster photos  http://picasaweb.google.com/104917512157462900280/101KSLRN

Note that the Mini Merinos Pet Snow show section  has decided to cancel the goldfish group  till the weather goes above zero, so the Cat section will have to make alternative arrangement for their  titbits.

Dog joke. What did the dog say when their Molotov cocktail ignited? “Wooof”

Dog of the week. Rover. (1999- 2010) (See above)

Astrology Section. Regrettably our resident astrologer is again down due to unforseen circumstances but luckily her locum is out of rehab *Scorpions should probably best do classic only this weekend Taurans should remember they are mostly full of it Sagittarians are  all probably best euthanased Aquarians should be advised that wearing any ski suit the colour of hagfish mucus is probably undesirable particularly if its the same texture and smell (*Though the police are luckily closing in on her)

No entries for the cross country ski joke section were received this week.

Feeling ill during a cross-country bus trip, Mrs. Belzer went back to the rest room only to find that it was locked. Returning to her seat, she tried to fight the nausea, but it finally got the best of her; turning to her left, she threw up all over the  Otago uni student   who was sleeping in the seat next to her.
Stirring, the fellow woke and was (Suprisingly)  surprised to find himself covered with vomit. Turning to him, Mrs. Belzer said, “Well-do you feel better now?”

Enquiry from one of our members do  we know of anyone planning a trip to South Georgia ? Presume it is one of the ‘footsteps of Shackleton’ trips  that need a lot of preparation ie   you are not allowed to wash for   6 months prior and then   end up bedding down  in a Grave yard in Grytviken.

Weather Forecast: We are likely to have some weather both days of the weekend.

BARBECUE: likely on for weekend of 11/12. We have chosen a dozen oxen to bring up the DB Draft and will need a hand to slaughter them on site.

The Musterr was  a complete success ie everyone finished the same day, the only person who lost a limb had it coming ( or going) anyway, no dog bit any skier, No skier bit any dog. Sam Bondarenko put a  fairly successful visit in. Congratulations and thankyou to all the Volunteers who provided suitable but regrettably non alcoholic sustenance just in the right places. Thankyou to Karl for all the Grooming, snow balls were aimed in the opposite direction for once. Congratulations to those who won, bad luck to all those sad pathetic people loosers  ( like me) who didnt.  In retrospect I should probably have slowed down slightly more when trying to grab a drink off the table out on hanging valley , but I am sure some of it soaked through my trousers and into the circulation eventually.(Although most of it is still there). Thanks also to Ray and the snowfarm staff for their superb support.

Congratulations to that  bunch of Pommy pahekas with a teutonic twist that managed to perform  some kind of  Kapa Haka prior to paralysing their opponents in the Muster.  The local iwi support person very kindly agreed to try and educate probably the most pathetic collection of carbon based lifeforms that had ever tried performing such.   We are getting trying to  wax up the set of greenstone XC skis and punga based poles in time for next season. It was obviously the ideal way to hunt the Moa.

Congratulations to all the minimerinos and the parents who helped. We note with concern that not all parents are planked up but these things can take time
Special thanks to the Snowboarder who provided the live sacrifice to ensure the weather stayed good,  although     the Met office said  we could have just used a chicken.(We will probably adopt their idea for the barbie)

We sadly said goodbye to Alexei and thank him for all the time, enthusiasm, and good humour he instilled, the ski field is a  little sadder (And quieter) at his moving on.. If you ski fast enough you can still hear a faint echo of ‘here we go’ on the sprint track. We hope he comes back. Thank you to all those who contributed to his farewell gift. (Free ski hire for a week at the snowfarm and a 10% discount on trail pass) (only valid for this season)  We welcome Ben Koons as his replacement.

There is still heaps of snow and we will naturally all be skiing through to Christmas, though be warned there is some concerns  for the snowfestival on new years eve.

Last weekend was the finale of the NZNSDA 5 weekend scholarship program. Everyone was sad to farewell our awesome coach Alexei for another season and to give up the snow park apartments where we’ve enjoyed staying during the program. The Merino Muster was a great success for our team with many of us taking podium positions. After such an amazing program most of us will continue on as part of the development squad for the rest of the season, competing in the biathlon races next weekend and the secondary schools championships the weekend after. We are looking forward to having a James Hargest (invercargill) team for once!! Thanks to everyone who helped with the program as it was a major success and everyone really appreciated it

There are really only three things to learn in skiing:how to put on your skis, how to slide downhill, and how to walk along the hospital corridor.  ~Lord Mancroft, A Chinaman in the Bath, 1974

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.  ~Dave Barry

Website stuff
http://www.masterskier.com/articles.asp for lots of articles
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ektfgA1PWy0

Waxing tip 104:
Remove the skis from the boot prior to using the iron and   iron the shirt first.

Rehydration  Best choice after exercise    Pinot  Noir or Sauvignon blanc? The age old question-  Researchhh is cooonntttinnuinngg sssshhteadilllllly

Prehydration Best choice to prevent exercise Jägermeister (tip learnt from NZSDA Camp 2009      Should one use a cocktail stick or Molotov cocktail?
How can you tell if you have had too much Jagermeister? There is usually a long dark  tunnel and dead relatives start chatting.

How can you tell if you havent had quite  enough. There is still a long dark tunnel but the relatives are not making any sense